Inexplicable Bonds
by KousukeAsazuki
Summary: He couldn't have been the golden child that had the friends. He had to be himself, as wretched and unglamorous as he was. Plain, old Severus Snape. Awful, simply awful. Well, maybe no -so- awful. \\SiriusSnape in their school years, smut//


Prepare to be reading this for a while, it's impossibly long for a oneshot. At least, by my standards. Enjoy.

* * *

Haunting black eyes searched a long mirror as an equally bleak expression stared back. Snape studied himself intensely, taking into account every disgusting detail. Flat, black hair, skin as white as a ghost's (actually, most of the ghosts in Hogwarts had more of tint to them than he did), eyes nearly sunken into his head, and a tired, almost _timid_, look about him. No wonder they picked on him-- if he were James Potter, he'd pick on him, too.

But no, he couldn't have been the golden child that had the friends. He couldn't be the popular kid who would, eventually, get the girl. He had to be himself, as wretched and unglamorous as he was. Plain, old Severus Snape. Awful, simply awful.

Snape was rather intent on his thoughts, so much so that the silent shift of the door in the bathroom mirror's reflection didn't catch his eye. In fact, it took the intruder to speak before he noticed another presence, observing him from a distance.

"What's wrong, Severus? A little light-headed from your trip?" The voice was condescending, but only lightly so.

Snape's entire body tensed at the sudden break of silence and he spun around to face the other male. A slight tug of a frown pulled at his lips, almost a scowl if he had been bold enough to make such a face, as he surveyed the other. Tall, lean (but not lanky, like himself), black hair kept much better than his own, and warm, gray eyes that contrasted his hollow gaze so very much. Perhaps, in a better time, he could have been Sirius Black. Not today, though; today, he was just himself.

"Black," Snape murmured, shifting his gaze to the side. Sirius was very close to James, suspiciously close sometimes, and though he shared many of James' pastimes (such as bullying Snape), he didn't carry the arrogant swagger that so many believed charmed James' very presence. At times, Sirius could almost seem pleasant to be around-- until he spoke.

Sirius' smirk faltered slightly at the failed instigation. Not that Snape was anything but passive, but it was much easier to tease someone who was easily aggravated. The lonely look he saw on Snape's face nearly pained him when he thought on it too much. It was likely unnecessary to be unreasonably cruel for no reason, but James had instilled that temptation in him to pick on the less fortunate. It was likely the Potter boy was a bad influence on him.

Closing the short distance between the two, Sirius placed a hand lightly on Snape's shoulder, ignoring the tension he felt upon such an action. "You shouldn't look so downtrodden all the time," he murmured lowly, as if trying to keep his words secret from even from himself. Snape's gaze raised and he caught it with a light smile. "No one will ever take you seriously that way."

Snape was hesitant to believe that, under his rough exterior, Sirius was actually a decent person. James was the leader of the pack, for sure, but Sirius had always been the more creative (and perhaps more cruel) one. Still, the softened look in his gray eyes baited Snape to lower his defenses and believe that, just maybe, Sirius acted the way he did only to gain James' approval. After all, if the choice was offered, who would rather be in Snape's position than Sirius'?

Slowly, the introverted boy relaxed against the foreign touch. It unnerved him as much as it comforted him, and he was torn between running away and letting go completely. "I should go," he decided, his eyes falling past Sirius to the bathroom door. He idly wondered what would happen if James came in right now and saw this, but his musings were cut short as an even more unfamiliar sensation presented itself to him. Firm yet light, warm but so very chilling, lips pressed against his own. This time, the tension didn't leave his body.

At first, Snape was almost afraid to move, but his natural reaction to the gesture sunk in and he jerked back. Eyes wide, he stumbled as far away from Sirius as he could before his back hit the cold tile of the bathroom wall. His mouth opened briefly, an effort to try and speak gone wrong, before firmly clamping shut again. The question on his mind was portrayed well enough-- _what the hell?_

Sirius' smirk was back as he advanced toward the younger student. Each of his hands found a place against the tiled wall on either side of Snape's head as he leaned in closer. His nose just barely brushed against the Slytherin's and he swore he could hear Snape's heartbeat racing-- with what, he didn't know, though it was likely fear above all else.

"Not yet," Sirius finally responded, dipping down to kiss Snape again. This time it was a bit more forceful and elicited something between a strangled cry and a whimper from the smaller boy. "Relax," Sirius whispered as he broke the kiss. "You should let yourself enjoy it." His hands dropped from the wall to Snape's hips, gripping the bony frame firmly and pulling the younger one's body closer.

Heart racing and throat dry, Snape went to object as his lips were captured once more in an even more heated kiss. He felt Sirius tongue force itself past his lips and his hands groped his own robes for his wand. Where did it _go_? His mind was scrambled and, really, the actual kiss was the thing furthest from his thoughts.

Why was Sirius doing this? Was it another practical joke, or was that kind glint in his eye sincere? And, really, _where the hell was his wand_? Did he drop it somewhere? Maybe Sirius had stolen it while he wasn't looking. Most of all, though, the question that begged to be answered was why was he not protesting this more? Was the Gryffindor boy actually right? _Was_ Snape enjoying this?

The warm contact was unknown to him almost completely-- his parents certainly hadn't been affectionate and he definitely had never been intimate with anyone. The fact that it was another boy making him feel this way didn't disturb him as much as _who _it was; Snape had already decided long ago that, though he wanted no one but Lily, he didn't find himself turned off by the thought of another man. Of course, that fact would probably just be another reason for James to tease him, if it ever got out. Maybe that was Sirius' intent?

Whatever the reason was, Snape felt his body struggle less and less as the older boy's hands began exploring. He shifted uncomfortably as Sirius' fingers rubbed slow trails up and down his sides and his own digits raised to curl in the fabric of the other's uniform. As the invading tongue ran over his own, baiting it into play, he hesitantly succumbed to the dominant presence. It was, for lack of a better word at his current coherent state, euphoric and, for once, he didn't mind being himself.

Sirius felt Snape responding, finally, to his ministrations and couldn't help the grin that split across his face. Breaking away from the other, he stepped back with a chuckle. Snape's eyes opened slowly, as if the younger one was dreading what he was about to face, and Sirius gave him a grin worthy of the Devil himself.

"I guess James was right, you really _are_ that way." The words shot through Snape like the most vile curses known to wizard. His entire body felt drained and his mind went blank. It had been a joke... Like always, it had just been an act. That feeling of contentment, that desire to be wanted-- it had all been created under a false illusion that Sirius had so easily whipped up, likely on the spot.

Sirius was just about to leave Snape, as deep in thought as he was, when he saw the dull look the other was giving. It seemed as if his sudden lack of energy wasn't from withdrawn thinking, but a lack of thought altogether. While this state would generally elicit even more insults and teases from him, the broken state he had left Snape in pulled at something in his heart. It was what he had intended, but to see such a plan come to fruition wasn't nearly as rewarding as he had thought it would be-- in fact, it was having the opposite effect.

Slowly, a little disturbed at his own actions, Sirius stepped closer to Snape once more. His hand came up to tilt the hollowed face towards his own and he searched the empty, dark eyes. It was a haunting look that chilled him-- had he really done this? Snape was more fragile than he had thought and he found himself ultimately regretting his actions.

Cursing himself for not just leaving, and falling victim to the remorse that always lingered on the edge of every cutting word he spoke and every harmful action he took, Sirius bent down to place a light, tentative kiss on Snape's lips. The other didn't respond immediately (he hadn't really expected him to), but he slowly felt the smaller form stir. Thinking that Snape might jolt away again, the taller boy wrapped his arms around the Slytherin and retreated in his actions slightly.

Snape's mind finally jerked back onto track and he realized that he was folded in Sirius' arms. How had that happened? Looking up, he frowned deeply-- why hadn't Sirius left yet? He attempted to push away from the embrace, but found himself held fast. Drained of energy and with his head still fuzzy, Snape was helpless to try and break free. Not to mention, despite himself, he didn't really want to.

Letting out a shuddery breath he hadn't known he was holding in, Snape's eyes shut tightly and his head found a resting place on Sirius' shoulder. This wasn't another joke, he kept telling himself, this was honest. Even Sirius wouldn't be so cruel to pick him up and drop him again...right? When he relaxed and found that Sirius had no intention of moving, he committed himself to believing that the other was being genuine. He didn't know why, but at this point he couldn't say he cared. As long as Sirius-- as long as that _warmth_-- didn't leave...

"Come on," Sirius muttered, his own mind just as conflicted as Snape's. He pulled away lightly, keeping a reassuring arm tucked around the slim waist, and motioned with his head to the door. "We stay in here too long and someone's bound to come in."

He didn't want to be seen in a position like that-- Snape could understand that. Despite whatever epiphany Sirius may have had, he still needed to keep up an appearance. James, of all people, would likely never understand what had happened in that bathroom (Snape himself was having trouble comprehending it), and might go as far as to shun Sirius if he learned of it. Whatever _it_ was. Nodding, Snape didn't feel his heart sink quite as much when Sirius pulled away again to leave and followed behind him.

"There you are." The two were immediately met with a curious tone as soon as they stepped foot into the hall.

"James," Sirius greeted, his wide grin breaking the serene atmosphere that had filled his head. "What, you thought I ran off?"

"Of course not." The Gryffindor tilted his head in Snape's direction, a mischievous smirk lining his face. "Snivellus," he said with far more fondness in his voice than he actually felt. "Shouldn't you be buried in a book, somewhere?"

Snape hadn't expected Sirius to jump to his defense, but perhaps he had been hoping for it. He noticed, at the very least, that he didn't join in the teasing. He glanced first to Sirius, then sent a wary look to James, before silently slipping from their presence and walking hurriedly down the hall.

Not about to let an opportunity go to waste, James pulled his wand from his cloak and tilted it in the direction of the retreating Slytherin. Just as his mouth opened to cast some spell or another, Sirius grasped his wrist lightly.

Upon receiving a confused look, the black-haired teen motioned to the empty hall they were standing in. "We don't have time for that, now," he pointed out. "We'll be in trouble if we're late for class again."

Giving his best friend a suspicious look before resigning to the fact that he was, indeed, correct, James sighed and led the way to their class. "Sometimes I wonder about you."

* * *

_One month later_

"Next year's gonna be the best," James boasted. He, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were walking contently through Hogwarts' halls. All around them, students were cheering, shouting, and generally celebrating. It was the last day before they headed home for the summer and though the night would be filled with long goodbyes and rushed packing, the day was meant for commemorating another year survived.

"Too bad it's not our last," Remus said, unintentionally bringing the brightened spirits down just a notch.

Sirius walked beside James quietly, contemplating how the following year would play out. A flash of black caught the corner of his eye and he glanced over his shoulder to see Snape heading toward the Slytherin's tower, fast-paced as always. Looking to his side, he found that James and the other two were too involved in their conversation to have noticed their main source of entertainment slip by.

Pausing and eventually separating himself from the pack, he raised a hand and called out. "I'll catch up later!"

"Eh?" James stopped mid-sentence to watch his friend's retreating back. "What's up with him?"

"Who knows?" Lupin shrugged. "He's weird."

"You're hardly one to call anyone _weird_," Peter countered, arching an eyebrow in the werewolf's direction.

"Come on," James interrupted, knowing how touchy Lupin could get on the subject, "I still need to find Lily."

"One last attempt to swoon her," Peter sniffed. "You're sure stubborn."

"She'll come around," James assured them, confident despite their skeptic looks, and walked ahead to emphasize his urgency.

* * *

"Hey, wait up!" This kid could really hike it.

Snape paused in his travel to turn around and watch as Sirius caught up to him. He immediately scanned the area behind the Gryffindor to find it empty-- he had come alone. Relaxing just a bit, he gave the older boy a curious look. "What is it?"

"Follow me," Sirius said, without any further explanation. Not giving Snape a chance to object, he turned and began walking.

Hesitating for only a moment, Snape cursed under his breath and quickly followed after. "Where are we going?" No reply. "Sirius?" Still no response. He frowned a little, but fell silent again; whatever it was, he would have to place a bit of faith in the other.

Snape avoided the curious glances that were shot in his and Sirius' direction as he was led through winding halls and masses of students. Fortunately, most of the kids were too busy celebrating their last day to notice the unlikely pair.

They eventually made their way outside of the school's walls and to the Whomping Willow. This time, Snape did object. "Tell me where we're going." He eyed the majestic tree warily, very aware of the damage it could cause.

Sirius finally turned to face the shorter boy and gave a heavy sigh. "I'm taking you somewhere where we can talk without wondering if James is going to find us, if that's alright with you." His tone seemed even a little short to himself and he motioned to the trap door at the tree's base. "Come on."

Wondering just where he was being led, the hint of suspicion that it was yet another setup lingering in the back of his mind, Snape slowly nodded his consent.

* * *

"Where...are we?" The shack that they ended up in seemed familiar, though he couldn't place it. He was almost certain he'd never been _inside_, at the very least.

"The Shrieking Shack," Sirius informed him, a bit less tense now that they were out of range of danger. "It's not haunted," he said quickly, seeing Snape take another look around.

"Everyone says it is," Snape told him, basically asking for an explanation.

Sirius waved it off with a hand. "It's a long story," he dismissed, closing the distance between Snape and himself. "What matters is that there's no one else here."

Somehow, it seemed as if the words were more of a reminder than a reassurance. Such as 'there's no one else here, so don't bother trying to make a commotion'. That was too threatening for Sirius, wasn't it? Even after the past month of talking and unintentionally growing closer, Snape still wasn't sure if he could fully trust the Gryffindor.

Snapping back to reality, the younger wizard realized that his companion (was there any other word for what they were to each other?) had come much closer. He let out a soft, shuddery breath as Sirius' presence wrapped itself around him and pulled him in. Those deep, gray eyes beckoned him closer and the warm touches Sirius offered sealed the deal. Snape's eyes slowly closed as a hand came up to cup his cheek. He thought about the summer and, more so than any time before, he wished not to leave.

"You're thinking too much," Sirius told the Slytherin, leaning down to brush his lips over the other's. "Don't worry about it." Whatever it was, anyway. Sirius wasn't sure what was going through Snape's mind, but likely it was some sort of doubt as to their situation.

Snape nodded lightly and gave a small jump when one of Sirius' hands came to grope the inside of his thigh. He tensed a bit at the touch and pulled back just a little when that hand dared to venture further upward. "Stop," he murmured, hoping that Sirius would listen the first time-- he was really never good at telling people 'no'.

"Come on," Sirius urged, but stopped the attempt nonetheless. "This is the last time we'll see each other until next year. Don't you want something to remember it by?" The words sounded, even to him, like a cheap attempt to get laid. Still, he couldn't help but wonder how the inexperienced and awkward boy was in bed, figuratively speaking.

Snape hesitated-- he _did_ want something to remember this past month with, but was such a bold move really necessary? Couldn't it be something less... serious? He leaned up to place a light kiss on Sirius' lips. "I do," he agreed, "but not that."

An eyebrow raised; did Snape have an idea? Sirius returned the kiss with a bit less innocence, probing his tongue through the younger wizard's lips. A hand gripped the back of his neck to pull him closer and his arms encircled the slim waist, eyes closing as the kiss deepened more. They couldn't spend all day here like this, he knew, but the almost-needy way Snape clung to him was addicting-- he'd never _really_ been needed before.

After a few moments of being drawn in by the older boy, Snape broke the kiss. He glanced away at Sirius' questioning glance and hesitantly sunk to his knees. Sirius seemed to understand his intentions well enough, as he wasn't questioned when he fumbled open the clasp to the taller one's trousers. Every move embedded a familiar uncertainty in him, but he refused to hesitate as the coal-black clothing fell from Sirius' hips and an encouraging hand combed lightly through his hair.

Lust-filled gray eyes closed as light kisses were trailed up his thigh. Snape was nervous, that much was obvious, and Sirius knew immediately-- from the first time they kissed, really-- that the Slytherin had never been intimate with anyone. He was almost grateful for that fact, as he was a rather greedy person and wanted Snape for himself.

Snape ran his tongue tentatively over the head of Sirius' hardening member, encouraged by the fingers tightening ever so slightly in his hair. He could feel the restrained desire in those digits and knew Sirius was displaying an impressive amount of self-control. Snape wasn't a tease by any means, and he obliged the silent demands willingly.

He dipped his head down and he took Sirius in his mouth, sucking on the length slowly. A few, soft groans stirred the air around them and the fingers tightened even more, pulling a bit impatiently. Complying once more, Snape ran his tongue up under Sirius' shaft, grazing his teeth lightly across the hardened member.

Sirius jerked his hips forward a few times, gritting his teeth against the urge to speed the pace up of his own accord. "Come on," he murmured lowly, relinquishing his grip on Snape's hair and combing through the raven tresses comfortingly.

All sense of urgency was lost and Hogwarts was all but forgotten as Snape's head began bobbing up and down, the younger boy's hot mouth sucking harder with every downward motion. Sirius groaned again, a bit louder, as an involuntary shudder ran through him. Warm sparks of desire built into a need in the pit of his stomach-- Snape was inexperienced, but hormones combined with a lack of intimate contact left Sirius in bliss.

A pale hand fell to the back of Snape's neck in a firm grip as the Slytherin deep-throated him, keeping his head close. His hips bucked again and light pants spilled from his lips. Sirius' eyes fluttered open as another, stronger wave of pleasure dizzied his brain and weakened his legs. He slowly turned his gaze from the ceiling to the boy on his knees, an overwhelming and indescribable feeling threatening to spill over at any moment. He should really warn Snape...

The smaller boy started slightly when a burst of warm, salty liquid forced its way down his throat. He immediately withdrew from the other, the hands clinging to him thankfully releasing their grip, and doubled over, coughing the bitter taste from his mouth. His hands found the cool wood of the shack's floor and he panted lightly as oxygen raced again to his lungs. His tongue came out to lick lightly at the traces of Sirius' release that coated his lips and felt his cheeks burning-- from what, he wasn't sure. Embarrassment, perhaps, or more likely the realization of what he'd actually just done.

Snape allowed himself to regain what composure he had before he turned his sights up to Sirius; he was almost afraid to, fearing that he'd meet a smug smirk or a condescending sneer. Neither, though, marred the Slytherin's fair face, but instead a content, satisfied look. Snape watched in slight awe (had he really brought upon such a pleasant reaction?) as Sirius knelt down in front of him. His tongue darted out to wet his unbearably dry lips as he waited for the older wizard to say or do something, a_nything_.

Sirius studied the hesitant look on his partner's face-- is that what they were now?-- before grinning lightly. He swore he saw Snape withdraw just a little, but ignored it and reached out to pull the younger one closer into an awkward hug. He waited, rather patiently, for Snape to relax into the embrace before tilting the much paler face up and pressing a kiss to the Slytherin's lips.

"You sure you haven't been practicing on anyone?" Sirius teased lightly, not able to completely squash his old habits.

Snape nodded quickly; he'd never experienced anything even _close_ to resembling that. The response elicited a light chuckle from Sirius, though he wasn't sure quite what was so funny, and he watched as the older one stood and redressed before standing himself. "We have to go now," he said. It wasn't a question, nor an order, but more of a grim confirmation of what they both already knew. He didn't want to leave-- he felt safe here, in the place most avoided like the plague.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, reaching out to ruffle Snape's hair lightly. "Don't worry, Snivelly, it's only for the summer."

A frown tugged at Snape's lips as he followed the taller boy toward the secret (and only) exit from the shack. "Do you really have to call me that?" He sighed as Sirius only laughed again and gave a shrug, but couldn't help the light smile that pulled his mouth upward. He began to think that he would enjoy returning to the Shrieking Shack in the years to come.

* * *

This is obviously ironic and was meant to be. If you don't understand why it's ironic, you should pick up a book. Particularly the last one. With that said, this is the longest oneshot I've ever written and I have no desire to try and break that record. I'm beginning to think perhaps it's _too _long, but if you made it this far, chances are you didn't mind. Needless to say, I hope you enjoyed.


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